Divorcing from a spouse with whom you have children is one of the most difficult types of divorce. But that doesn't mean it should necessarily be avoided; according to the American Psychological Association, high-conflict marriages are more damaging to children than divorce. And the way that a couple divorces can have a huge impact on how any children are affected.

Try An Amicable Divorce

If possible, it's a good idea to get an amicable divorce. This can save some money as well – it's common to hire a single divorce attorney who will act as a guide and mediator, helping you and your spouse divide up your assets and come to child custody agreements. This can help limit the amount of rancor involved in the marriage; the more stability there can be during a divorce, the better.

However, amicable divorces aren't always a good idea. Especially in cases where there has been adultery or one spouse feels betrayed by the other, it can be impossible to work through the divorce proceedings as a team. If this is the case, the key is to compartmentalize as much as possible; you may become emotional when dealing with your spouse during the divorce process, but you should discuss the divorce calmly and rationally with your children and avoid bringing those negative emotions into your interactions with them.

Move Slowly

Unless there is some safety reason for moving quickly – such as abuse – it can be very beneficial for children to experience change more gradually. Once the decision to divorce has been made and one spouse is going to move out, discuss this with the children a few weeks before the actual move. Coming home to a missing parent – or being suddenly removed from their home by a parent – can be highly stressful.

In A Difficult Divorce, Rely On Your Lawyer

Sometimes, no matter how calm you try to remain, dealing with your spouse during the divorce process is too stressful and pushes you into an emotional state. If this is the case, try to limit your interaction with your spouse; dealing with the divorce is what you have a divorce lawyer for, so let the lawyers do the interacting.

It's important, if you take the route of minimal contact, that you do your best to remain calm and friendly in those instances where you do interact with your spouse, such as picking up or dropping off the children. The goal is still to keep conflict to a minimum and to allow the children to keep a healthy relationship with both parents.