Mediation is one of the most popular methods for negotiating a divorce settlement. The parties getting divorced agree to meet with a third party, known as the mediator to work out a final agreement. Sometimes attorneys are involved as well, but often, they aren't.

While using a mediation service is a great idea, be aware of what they can and can't do for you.

Mediators don't file paperwork for you

Not all divorce mediators are attorneys. In fact, many well-qualified ones aren't. A good mediator will make sure every aspect of your divorce is covered, but they don't handle any administrative filing. Once all parties come to terms, each should have their own divorce attorney look over the final decree and file the paperwork with the proper court.  

Your divorce mediator shouldn't act like or be your divorce attorney

You want your mediator to be neutral, not aggressive. They should have a strong grasp of the divorce laws in your home state, but they shouldn't encourage confrontation. That's why it's best to find a mediator who isn't an attorney. Divorce attorneys are trained to defend their client's interests as thoroughly as possible, not to manage conflict in an unbiased manner.

Your mediator isn't your marriage counselor, either

Before even taking your case, a mediator should be certain that both parties are ready to move on. If one party makes it clear that they feel the marriage isn't over, a good mediator won't take their case. Their job isn't to convince anyone to get divorced, or to act as a marriage counselor to save the marriage.

Your mediator should be up to date on the latest negotiating skills

A mediator who is a student of their profession will be up to date on the latest negotiating theories and techniques. For example, some mediators employ the principles of game theory, or the study of strategic decision making during the negotiating process.  Game theory attempts to understand social interactions and decision making through mathematics. 

In 2005, two scientists, one American and one Israeli were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on game theory, conflict and cooperation. This generated a lot of interest on mediation websites and publications.

Your mediator (like those at Mitchell Mediation Service) should be aware of and employ these new techniques if they feel they'll facilitate your case.

Always make sure you're working with a divorce mediator, not a general or business mediator. If your spouse and you are committed to the process, mediation can work for you.